I need someone or something to tell me how I feel, but if I start looking for the words it won't ever be right. A song would maybe explain something, but it can never be to the point. Only good classic music gets me, understands me. Good classic music isn't around anymore. I don't know where I'm going with this. I feel as though I'm in Limbo. I don't believe it Limbo. My head has too much energy. I can't relax. What's wrong with me?

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the dang poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the heck out of never trying.

When it comes down to it, I feel like I'm slacking in school, when really I'm not. I should pray more. I focus on work too much, and leave school out because I enjoy work more than school. I'm happy, but not. Its a weird feeling. I would say that I feel like something is missing, but its not. I feel content. Just uneasy. But those two words are antonyms. I sometimes think I'm misconstrued.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

BUT: At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

I need some people to take my breath away.
My head is full; of thinking.
I need to not think for awhile. Just for five minutes.

I sleep fine, I carry on with life fine, I'm happy.
But thinking, well...it destroys me.