Saturday, September 25, 2010

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying?

Its like this: Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

Sometimes you just need to cry & be sad. You need to break down & be torn apart. You need to learn how to pick yourself up & put yourself back together. Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give into sadness first. Cause without sadness, there’s no happiness; you would never learn to smile. Do you know how depressing a life without smiling would be? 

Its like this: How would you know how it felt to lose your cell phone, if you never had one?

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
 And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there?
 That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can
actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that? "
-Pursuit of Happyness

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Sunday, September 5, 2010

God woke up with me this morning.

I have a person in my life who is wise, well-spoken, and stubborn. This person is someone that I look up too. The older he gets, the smarter I get. I have been in this persons life every day of my own life, and he has taken care of me, even when I didn't know how to sit up on my own. From day one, I have been disciplined, taught, and loved unconditionally. He has been there when he needed to be there, and he knew when he needed to not be there for me, for my sake. I still do not understand how he thinks to this day, even though everyone tells me I'm just like him. If I could be half of the man he is when I'm grown, that'll be enough. I had said in an earlier post that I wanted to write about him, but I was too emotional at the time to do so. Now I think God has opened my heart enough to write about him, write about the troubles, write about the trials and situations that this man has put me in. I wanted to write about the good times, and the bad times. I wanted to tell the world, and tell him that he has molded me and disciplined me into a girl that I'm proud of.

Since I've had this blog, I've had insight on how to open up, share what I'm thinking, and many more opportunities to write. I believe with all my heart that everything happens for a reason, and when God hands you the key to open a door, you take the key and you open the door. No questions asked. So I'm writing what I'm about to type down, so that I can have it, forevermore.

This man, that I have been talking about, is of course my dad. He's a truck driver, and he went to Salt Lake City, Utah this past week. I usually get a phone call from him every once and a while. This week I didn't. I wondered why, and I was soon to find out. I never thought my dad would be a "soft, heartfelt type person" but in his older age, he's becoming softer. It's nice. Onto the point, when he arrived back home from the trip he told my mom and I a story. A story that will probably stick with me forever. For one, I never thought I would hear something like this come out of his mouth, and two my dad isn't very open about his faith. He started to tell the story.

"Utah is in a valley, and you can see as far as to the horizon, where the sky meets the earth. And in the morning, when the earth is still black, and the sky is just barely lightning up, I looked at that horizon line and saw God waking up with me that morning. Its like when a person is barely awake, and you don't want to open your eyes just yet, that represents the sky when its that pale blue color, right before the sun comes up. And then that glorious moment, when the sun just peaks over that horizon line its like God saying, Good Morning, I'm here. And we try to block out that light, and try and dodge the sun by covering our eyes. Everyone tries to make their way around the things they go through in life, without actually facing the sun, and moving forward. But that morning when God woke up with me, I figured out that I had been dodging God, and blocking out the sun wasn't going to work anymore. That morning, God woke up with me and made my day."  

My father said that, and it made my days, forever.
It's like, every bad memory, everything that happened in the past, disappeared.
I love my father, on earth and in Heaven.

My Prayer for today, God, wake up with me every morning, wake up with my dad and wrap your arms around him. Open his heart even more and I pray that someday, the solutions to every problem in my family will be found. You've done wonders with my dad, and I know that You are all-knowing, God. I wish to further Your kingdom, and be everything You want me to be. Love, Your daughter.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Secret Number One: Truthfully, you're the only thing that's ever really made me feel beautiful.

I love this. My dad is a strong believer in this saying. Ive heard it all my life. It almost inspires me to write about him, but that would bring tears to my eyes, happy and devastating tears both. Maybe I'll feel like it another night, when I'm not so emotional. I want to think I'm going crazy because of my moods and how they swing. But who defines crazy anyways? Not me.

On to another topic thats racing through my mind.
John. I like that with you, it gets better every day you make me smile like an idiot; and forget what I was saying, you make me crazy but I don't really mind; you bring out the best in me; I'm so happy I found you. I live my life knowing that your going to be by my side. Do you how much comfort that brings me when I lay my head down to go to sleep? I know some people search the world to find something like what we have, and I know people will try and try to divide something real, so until the end of time, I’m telling you that there isn’t anyone who can get in the way of what I feel for you.

My English Teacher.
She made me tear up in class. Her story about herself, hit home. I'm not stupid, and no one can tell me I'm not good enough. I'm excited about going to class tomorrow, just to see her. I already love that woman.

This is my prayer for today. Where there once was disagreement, unity can prevail. I want to live life to the fullest, Lord, and I know that will happen only as I experience Your love. Give me Your love, even for the unlovely. Thank you for your son, Jesus, who died---just for me, and for this world. Your love knows no boundaries.