I never really got the experience of saying "goodbye" to anyone that I really loved when I went to college as a freshman last year. I never really even got the full experience, and I know that I probably should have felt some sadness when I moved into my dorm last year, but I didn't. I was moving in with someone that I knew from my high school, all my best friends moved with me, and I got to see my boyfriend on the weekends and two days a week. So my attachment from everyone was still attached.


Over the summer, I have gotten to know more a lot more people, and made new friends, and they are all moving away for college, and I'm staying in Glasgow, My hometown. I want the college experience I never went through. I want to move away, but then again, I wanna just stay where I'm at with my boyfriend and grow up together. I wanna be able to finish my Associates Degree, get an apartment and get engaged. But I don't know if I wanna do that in Glasgow? Maybe? Maybe not? I just have this feeling of hey, I'm growing up more and more as each week, month and year passes. Maybe I wont leave, maybe it wasn't meant for me to leave, but the fun times, I feel like they are gone now, and its time to get down to the nitty gritty and move on with my life. After everyone has left, what else is there to do besides grow in my relationship with my boyfriend, go to work, and go to school? Is this what the real world feels like?


I simply know that it is somewhat what it feels like. I don't live on my own, and when I start paying bills, and start having a life outside of my parents; thats when I'll be living. Thats when I'll be scared, and when I'll need all my friends that are gone with me, but they aren't going to be there. They too will move on and grow up and move out into the real world.

I don't believe that when you move to college, then thats the real world, I think its when you get out of college and don't know what direction to go. At what point do you stop and say, I'm satisfied?

I want that point to come soon for me, but I' know it won't. I know it will be a while and its kind of sad. Sad in a way that maybe something good will happen to me along the way, and then there's a chance of something changing. I don't like change. But its apart of life, at one point, I'm going to have to accept that.

I'm up at 12:49am with a headache, thinkin about this. WHY?